A lot of reasons have lead to me not blogging as much as i would have wanted and the main one has been due to the lack of positivity around me and me myself just feeling fed up and upset all the time. This is not to do with the placement projects itself but rather with the company that i have come to do my placement with. The project though furstrationing in the beginging due to lack of work are now much better and we are getting plenty more things done.As i type this now we have just finished helping a member of a self help group mud up her house thus to insulate it for the coming rain season. This was a joy to do.We sweated, laughed and had a mini mud fight at the end much to the amusement of the people there.
However, try as might at the back of my mind there is this big cloud of negatively and pain due to the treatment we have received from tearfund. For the past three weeks now me and Lauren have been living in a sort of hell. We started getting bites 3 weeks ago and thinking it was mosquitos we increased the amount of deet we were using and much to our surprise it didn't make much of a difference. Over the next few days we came to the realisation that we were only getting bit in the evenings and that rather than a random bite here and there, Moreoften than not the bites were in a line. Bed Bugs!!! I can live with one of two bed bugs but after three weeks we now have about 100 bites each and to our horror we also have puss coming out of them.Puss to me has always signified an infection and you would think that getting an infection whilst in africa when you do a job that involves getting muddy most days the company that promised "to be there with you", would be there with you. Well you would be wrong. The one time someone bothered to come and check up on our placement, we informed them of our problem and to my amazement we were told to live with it after all as one of my team mates likes to remind us..."we didn't come to eat McDonalds and stuff our faces." But this has nothing to do with food. Being a vegetarian i always knew that coming to africa, i might struggle to get all the nutrients that i would at home, and this in it self has not been an issue.
This rather has to do with my health and safety and the lack of care that has been shown to the volunteers who came here in good faith thinking to work with a christian organisations to help the local people better their lives so that they to can succeed. One would think that going away with a christian organisation would be better. That the people you would work with would be compassionate and understanding. That they would have the capacity to empathise with you and get work done. ONE WOULD BE WRONG.
Furthermore, it would be interesting to actually see where the £7000 we are constantly told is paid for each volunteer to take part is this placement actually goes. We are never really given a break down of where this money goes but i guess this might just be one of those times where its a dont ask dont tell situation. If anyone knows please leave a comment down below.
Now, i know this post is full of all the negatives and i really am not a negative person if you know me but i have been angry and frustrated these past few weeks and i didn't want to keep holding on to this anger. I wanted to share with you my true experience of my placement and this includes the good, the bad and the ugly. I have now decided to turn over a new leaf though and give myself a fresh start.There is nothing i can do about those who are meant to co-ordinate with us but there is something i can do about my own attitude. God would not have given me these challenges if he didn't have some plan for me and some way for me to overcome them. Through all the challenges i have faced in my life this placement in rwanda has been among the harder ones but like all the others that i have over come, with God on myside and with my own stubbornness and perseverance i will come through to the other side.
Thank you for letting me have a mini break down and rant but i hope that from now till the end of my placement you will keep me and my group and the people whose lives we touch everyday in your prayers and thoughts and that the posts will start being the cheerful ones that we all love.
Love y'all Issie
xox
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